Category Archives: Life

Plans

     So I guess you could say I’m a planner. Speaking of plans here I am thinking about plans that didn’t happen, ones that are yet to happen, and ones that have already occurred. Sometimes I feel like I get stuck on that first one, and right now is one of those times. I thought by now so many things would have happened in my life, yet few have actually happened. Today has been like a valley that I have been unable to get out of, no matter how hard I try. In these moments I remind myself that you cannot always be on top of the mountain. If you stay on top of a mountain you can’t appreciate the climb and sometimes the climb makes the view at the top of the mountain all the worthwhile. 

    Oh the plans that have yet to happen. This one gets me too. Y’all I am a worrier, I like to know.  In these moments I remind myself of what has happened all the mountains and most of all the valleys I have made it through. I know everyone says this but worrying gets you nowhere because it truly doesn’t. His goodness is overwhelming, then I reminded I need not worry. 

     I am forever grateful of the plans that have already happened whether they were my own or not. They’ve got me where I am today and just wow. If you would have told my high school self that at 23 I would be where I am, I would have laughed. In high school I wasn’t the nicest person, was focused on the wrong things, and really had no sense of direction- in other words there was very little planning involved. Today I am grateful that I was that person because it got me to where I am today. Plans are meant to be changed, thought about, and appreciated. 

Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed: verb; to overcome completely in mind or feeling

It doesn’t say a tiny piece it says COMPLETELY. Here recently I feel like it’s been just one feeling or another; doubt, insignificance, sadness,  remorse, perfection, loneliness, comparison, defeat, or selfishness just to name a few. I keep thinking the cycle will end but ha-just kidding on to the next one.

Some days are worse than others when I hear a song, when I see a patient struggle, or when random thought feels like it transports you back in time.  Some day’s I’m just surrounded by a fog. That’s when visibility is none and you can barely see the hand in front of your face. Still you put one foot in front of the other and act like nothing’s wrong because you have a certain mindset that you always have to be smiling or happy. Just to get alone and be overcome with whatever’s in the fog of the day.

In these times what do you do? Do you just wallow in it, or do you rise above? Here recently I am not happy to say I have let myself wallow in it more than I should. So here I am a new day, overcome completely with a feeling newness and refreshment. Here’s to turning on the high beams and making it through the fog no matter how dense. Here’s to staying focused on putting one foot in front of the other, to surrounding myself with good people, and being overcome with newness.mathew-634

Haiti

   Well it took about three weeks but I have honestly just been at a loss for words. Haiti- you have left me forever changed. If you would’ve told me three years ago that I would be going on a mission trip I would have said oh no way. Before then I didn’t go to church. I believed in God but was always spending my time chasing after something else, and seeking happiness in things that could never give me true happiness… Thankful for a forgiving God.

   Our days here consist of getting up and going to work, school, etc. in Haiti not everyone has those blessings. What we take for granted here would be life changing for someone there. I had a preconceived idea of what the living conditions would look like, and I expected them to be bad. What I actually saw I can’t even put into words how blessed we truly are. As we walked into the schools just to visit and do health assessments on the kids the looks on their faces- looks of pure joy. You don’t have to speak the same language as someone to show them kindness and love. As we were playing with the kids I noticed how thin the soles of their shoes were and how the tops of the shoes had been cut where they were too small, but they had no other shoes to wear. 

   On Wednesday we didn’t miss church, we were able to go to a service. They worship with everything they have, and like there was no one else there. Just to witness the way they praised the lord was amazing and humbling. As they sang I had no clue what they were singing, but you could just feel it. It was just anointed. Now don’t get me wrong its the same way here, but I know sometimes I’m not 100% there. Yes I’m physically there but not mentally. My thoughts are elsewhere. Not anymore!

   I have participated at Christmas sending shoeboxes to other countries, to actually witness a child open one was so heartbreaking. The happiness on their faces because of everyday things we take for granted like toothbrushes, washcloths, pens, and pencils. Then when they saw toys, the joy on their faces was contagious! Then some kids didn’t even open their boxes and clung to them tightly like someone was going to take it away.

   Finally meeting my sponsor child, Rose, just the way she looked at me with her big brown eyes broke my heart again. She just seemed so sad, as she opened up her backpack filled with gifts I had brought her she stopped at her princess coloring book and crayons, those are such little things to us- but they were so much to her. As I helped her colored she used all the bright and happy colors. When she had to go she put her backpack on her shoulders and started walking. No telling how far she would have to walk to get back home. Since being home I have been so worried about her wondering if she’s happy… But how awesome is it that I have pray here and God can answer my prayer all the way in Haiti? 

   I honestly have been changed, my heart has been changed, and my outlook on life and circumstances have been changed. The so called “little things” I took for granted paved roads, traffic laws, Walmart(yes even Walmart), food, air conditioning, being able to go to work, and having a support system around me that prays for me. These are no longer little things.

   I highly encourage any person who has the opportunity to go on a mission trip whether in your own backyard or in a foreign country you will not regret it. This burden I have is not a bad thing at all I am more appreciative, thankful, and most of all refreshed. I am forever grateful for this trip. 
   

Yes I miss Haiti, but I know my prayers are being answered there. I can’t wait to go back one day❤️ And since being home God put it on my heart to sponsor another child through New Missions! 

Rose❤️

Shoebox day!

Look at that smile!

Playing with the kids!

Miss this view!

Djevenson- my new sponsor child!

Grateful

Don’t you just love it when someone puts something into perspective for you? Just in a way so clear that it makes perfect sense. Even better when it makes you wonder why you were even worried about it to begin with. Surround yourself with people that will do that for you. People who:

  • know what to say and when- or nothing at all
  • pick you up when you’re down
  • support you when they know you’re making the wrong decision, but you need the lesson the wrong decision will bring 
  • will give you the hard advice that you don’t want to hear 
  • will listen to you complain, even when they have bigger problems going on
  • laugh with you-sometimes at you
  • change the way you think 
  • forgive you when you make a mistake
  • hold you accountable
  • pushes you outside your comfort zone
  • make you a better person 

Above all people who will pray for you, with you, and love you for you.

So thank you to the people who do this for me, I am grateful for each and everyone of you!❤️

Rambling

 I’ve been struggling with finding a topic or even words to describe this last week in my life. I feel like a lot has happened and I’ve realized so much. So here it goes-life is short and I know you hear that all the time, but it really is. The sad truth is that we are not promised tomorrow. So why not make the most of every moment, forgive old grudges, let go of the apologies you never got, realize not everything has worked out the way you thought it would, and most of all appreciate everything. 
     Yes I mean everything- the good, bad, and in between. Thank Him for all of it. Yes you may not be where you thought you would be, have the friends you thought you would, be going to college where you thought you would, or have accomplished specific goals. But you are where you are supposed to be… Exactly where you are supposed to be. Over the past couple years of my life I have realized that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. When I graduated high school I wasn’t thrilled about the fact that I was going to Calhoun, but here I am finished with college(for now atleast), have a job that I’m super proud of, I’ve reconnected with old friends, and made some of the best new friends. The ups and downs got me to here and I couldn’t be more thankful. Life is precious so enjoy your journey❤️